Trump Administration still unable to remove six-legged specter from White House

Just a regular photo shoot in the Oval Office…

We’re back again this week with more juicy political news. Today’s dosage is about the elephant—or should I say specter?—in the room.

Remember, the articles at DOOM TRUTH are about the topics no other news site has the balls to write about.

Anyway, on to todays’s post!

Our covert black ops team just made contact after a brief communication blackout. The team has been living in the maintenance passages inside the walls of the White House. And they report that the Trump administration has been unsuccessful in removing the specter that haunts the building.

Though it’s not kosher to talk about, anyone who has visited or worked in the White House for any length of time can attest to the six-legged, shadowy specter that crawls on the building’s walls and ceilings during odd hours of the day and night.

Though the specter’s ultimate purpose is unknown, it spends most of its time secreting black goo in the basement—which keeps he janitorial staff busy—and stalking White House staff members.

Without warning, the specter will snatch a White House employee, usually an intern, with one of its six arms. The intern is slowly forced inside the specter’s shadowy thorax and digested.

Judging by the screams, it’s incredibly painful.

The specter has been caught on camera disgorging its egg-laden goo onto sleeping female employees. The eggs are laying dormant for now. When they will hatch and in what manner is anyone’s guess.

The Trump administration is the first presidential administration in recent history that seems determined to remove the shadowy menace from the White House. They have, according to our intel, already tried several methods of removing it, but nothing so far has worked.

Whacking it with a broom handle only made it angry. While emitting buzzing sounds, like the wings of hundreds of flying insect, the specter devoured a nearby intern before disappearing. Spraying it with a fire hose had a similar affect.

The Trump administration brought in an exorcist to banish the specter. But after beginning the ceremony, the exorcist’s eyes turned pure black. He began speaking in ancient Akkadian before flying up to the ceiling. The specter appeared, snatched the exorcist, and fled into the basement. The janitorial staff is still finding the man’s scattered bones amidst the goo.

We’ll report again later if the administration is successful in ridding themselves of our nation’s occult mascot.

To learn more about our spectral friend, we sent a DT squad to the Library of Congress. After sneaking past the librarians, they entered the forbidden section of the library. And after pouring through dusty tomes and blood-stained scrolls, they uncovered the origins of the specter.

According to one account, a Masonic ritual was performed by our nation’s founders in 1800 to celebrate the completion of the White House. For unstated reasons, they also summoned the six-legged poltergeist from another dimension. They offered it animal sacrifices and virgins in a week-long orgy that swept over the whole city.

The specter has been linked to many odd occurrences that have happened since then.

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson went missing for three days. When his staff found him again, he was markedly different. His eyes were pure black and goo leaked from his mouth and the seam on his neck. His body squelched, as if full of liquid, when he walked. He was also confused by the simplest things: for example, he was unable to turn doorknobs by himself. And he had forgotten how to write English, instead he was only able to write Babylonian cuneiform.

This episode probably explains why Jefferson’s personality changed so much after 1802. Readers of history will know how Thomas Jefferson began styling himself “Emperor of Ktho’th and Herald of the Everlasting Gloom” and how he was fond of ordering the executions of random citizens in Washington DC.

Later in the 20th century, the specter was no doubt behind the infamous White House Bloodbath of ’66. Of this, we will speak no more of in detail.

More recently, it is well-remembered by Washington insiders that the specter devoured First Lady Michelle Obama in 2010. That explains her 4 month absence from the media while another Michelle was grown in the government cloning facility inside the Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

Our covert team ended their report with the first encounter between Trump and the specter. When the newly inaugurated president saw the shadow creature disgorging its viscera on another female White House employee, the president immediately stopped reading his report, walked underneath the specter, unzipped his fly, and urinated straight up in total defiance of gravity.

When asked by those nearby what he was doing, Trump replied that this was how pissing contests were done in New York City.

After that incident, the specter has refused to appear in the same room as Trump.

We’ll let you know the fate of the six-legged specter in a future post. For now, it will continue to haunt the White House, abducting interns and inserting its eggs in sleeping women. At least now we know it can feel fear.

– R. T. Madsen and the DOOM TRUTH crew (special shout out to the DT covert team. We here at HQ salute you for your sacrifice and commitment to TRUTH)

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